The Doorman (The Most Important Man In Your Life)

There are so many things that make New York, New York.  Times Square, being stuffed like a sardine on the subway, watching people walk the streets talking to themselves on their hands free phones, and doorman buildings.  I am fascinated by the doorman.  Is it really necessary for someone to open the door for you?  Who the fuck do you think you are?  One day I may be worth millions of dollars but i'll be opening my own door.  What's next, somebody gonna wipe your ass?

On the surface, your doorman is your best friend.  He smiles at 'ya, tips his cap, helps you carry your groceries in.  But secretly, he can't stand you.  To him your some rich asshole who thinks they're better then everybody else.  Your doorman goes home and says "that bitch in apartment 4C made me shlep her luggage. My fuckin' back's killing me.  She better hook me up up Christmas time".  That's what your doorman says to his wife when he gets home.  He doesn't like you, but you better be on good terms with him because he knows everything about you.  They know what you do, where you live, he has a key to your apartment and he controls your mail.  They know everything.  And they especially know how much you gave them for Christmas.  Take care of your doorman, otherwise your life's in danger.

The doorman might be the most important man in your life.  He must be on your side.  It's essential.  You see a doorman is not just a doorman, he's a hustler.  The doorman is like Morgan Freeman is The Shawshank Redemption, he's a man that that is known to locate things from time to time.  A good doorman can get you:

1) Drugs

2) A booky to gamble with

3) A hooker

That's the power of a good doorman.  A good doorman takes care of his tenants.  And those 3 thing provide many people happiness.  Now, I no longer take part in any of these activities but I know many people that do and it all comes from their doorman.

Last but not least, your doorman knows who you're sleeping with.  They know if you're cheating and they know if you bring home a different girl every night.  If you go home with a girl who lives in a doorman building, you can tell the way the doorman reacts to you walking in the lobby if you're a rarity or just another dude.  I once had a doorman tell me "to have a good time".  2 hours later he was talking shit to me about the girl I slept with in the lobby and as I was leaving he called her a "cheap bitch".

In summary, your doorman is the most important man in your life.  He's your lifeline, your soulmate, your brother from another mother.  Hook your doorman up or you might be getting divorced or you might not be getting your mail.  Use this blog entry as a warning.  Bump up your Christmas bonus to your doorman $200.  You'll thank me later...

-Care about your doorman.  Hook 'em up 'ya cheap bastards!