Thanksgiving

I’ll admit it. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  You wake up hungover from the night before, throw on the parade, and see Snoopy flying down 7^th Avenue.  What a mindblower!  How do they blow snoopy up?  Snoopy is big.  It gives me joy to see kids get excited when Snoopy comes flying by.  Honestly, I enjoy it.  It’s pretty cool.

Every year I go to aunt’s for Thanksgiving.  My aunt lives in Westchester which means every year my family makes the trek from Long Island.  Traffic!  Not to mention, my sister gets car sick and ends up puking in a plastic bag.  This isn’t exactly ideal when a huge turkey is waiting for you.

The same 3 families are at my aunt’s every year.  The same 3 families for 25 years.  So, the first thing I do is say hello and make myself a stiff drink.  Then I hit up the cheese plate, chips and mango salsa.  The mango salsa is where it’s at.  Then I sit down for about 15 minutes and talk to everyone.  I don’t want to be rude and run instantly downstairs to focus on football.  I can wait 15 minutes, but not a second longer.  Conversation goes well and I make myself another stiff drink.  Then I make another plate of cheese and mango salsa and head downstairs to watch the games.

Football on Thanksgiving is fabulous.  You stuff your face, you drink and root against the cowboys.  It’s pretty awesome.  My dad roots against the cowboys right along with me which is an annual bonding moment.

After the first football game is over, it’s time to eat.  And my aunt does it right.  Obviously turkey, cranberry sauce, her famous stuffing, some delicious spinach thing, and last but not least, the sweet potatoes.  I eat 3 plates of sweet potatoes.  Marshmallows on top.  It’s nothing short of epic and I look forward to it all year.  My mouth is watering as I write this with just the thought of those of sweet potatoes.  It’s an oral orgasm.

After dinner, I unbuckle my belt and try hard to deflate.  I pour myself another drink and try to drink my uncomfort away.  It never works.  I watch the second half of the second football game along with the rest of the males.  Instead of taking inventory of each others lives like we did earlier in the day, we now just talk football.  I’m sure Sanchez and Tebow will come up this year and I have a lot to say about it.  But I’ll save that for Thanksgiving.

Dessert!  Holy shit, what to eat first.  I just eat it all.  I try everything.  Apple pie. Chocolate cake.  Chocolate mousse.  Tiramisu.  I even stay healthy and try the fruit.  I make my choice on what to focus on.  It’s usually the chocolate mousse.  I don’t get the opportunity to have chocolate mousse regularly.  There’s nothing like good mousse.

After dessert, it’s time to go.  I say goodbye to everyone.  I thank my aunt for a great meal and get back in the car to sit in traffic and watch my sister puke.  It’s another year, another Thanksgiving in the books, and I look forward to doing it all again next year.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

The Search For Yourself...

When my mom died last year, I was lost.  I did not know my place in the world, my place in life.  I did not know myself.  I did not know who I was anymore.  What I liked and disliked.  Who my friends were.  What family members to trust.  I had lost my instincts, my mind, and my way.  And then one day last November a warm sensation ran down my back.  I felt like doing the super bowl shuffle.  Everything had changed but everything was the same.  I remember.  It was the Monday before Thanksgiving.  It all made sense.  Everything.  Who I was.  Who I was meant to be.  What I liked and disliked.  Who my friends were.  What family members I could trust.  I was still me.  But I was different.  I wasn’t sure if others could see it.  But I could feel it.  I felt confident.  Self assured.  Those who know me know that those are two traits I have never possessed before.  I am many things, but confident and self assured I am not.  I could look at people in the eye.  I walked with my head held high.  I spoke with passion.  I felt all of this instantly.  What I had found was myself.

They say you have to go through hell to get to heaven and this is true.  I’m not gonna go into great detail here, but many reading this know that my journey has been a tumultuous one filled with many ups and downs.  As soon as I felt like I had gotten somewhere, it was as if something was taken from me.  I envied people.  Not for the material things they had.  I envied people who had balance and normalcy.  I just wanted to be normal.  The simple life seemed like a good one.  I had never known it.  But I wanted it.  But that day in November I realized that I was not meant to be simple.  It wasn’t in the cards.  And when I realized this, it was the beginning of change.  I accepted who I was.  You can’t be something you’re not.  You are who you are and I am who I am.  To the daily passerby I look and seem like everyone else.  I’m kind, courteous, decent looking and usually seem outwardly happy.  I try hard to be unassuming and I think I succeed.  But, there’s always more than meets the eye.

My brain is always on.  I’m hyper sensitive and hyper aware.  I see and notice everything and pretend to see nothing at all.  Not anymore.  That November day I stopped caring.  I gave myself a break for the first time since I was a child and it made all the difference. I had tried so hard to be a people pleaser.  I succeeded at being a great son, brother and friend.  But I usually left myself in the background.  I felt undeserving.  So undeserving that I felt I deserved no attention.  From anyone including myself.  I constantly belittled myself and made myself the brunt of every joke.  I was a nervous wreck.  I put pressure on myself to say the right thing all the time.  I could not relax.  I’d smoke, I’d pace, I’d fidget.  It got to the point that the only thing that made me sit still was either writing or messing around on the computer.  It got so bad that it was hard for me to sit down and watch TV or go see a movie.  Wherever I was, I thought I was meant to be somewhere else.  My mind was always on the move.  But on that November day it was still.  I was at peace.  I didn’t feel euphoric or elated.  I felt rested, sound and secure. 

I was all alone and totally in the moment.  I was supposed to be exactly where I was at that very moment.  All the pain and anguish from the past dissipated.  All the pain I had watching my mom fall ill was gone.  Her spirit was still with me but I felt whole.  And I just wanted to do it all over.  But this time do it right.  I wanted to do everything I used to do.  I wanted to go back to High School, back to college, back to my old job and see all my old friends.  Everything looked different. The world was in color.  The grass was greener.  The sky was clearer.  The clouds were huge.  I felt like part of the world.  A small world.  And I was so excited to be a part of it.  I couldn’t wait to see my friends and family.  I was gonna be the same, but everything was gonna be different.  My whole perception was different.  I felt different.  I even looked different.  I remember I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.  I was me. Just different.  I was proud of who I was.  Proud of what I’ve been through.  And I couldn’t wait to live the rest of my life.  I had been given a second chance.  And I gave it to myself because I realized it’s all in your mind.  Who you are.  What you are.  What you’re meant to be.  You are what you are.  Not what your parents told you to become.  You’re not your profession.  You’re not your job.  You’re not your relationship.  You’re not the clothes on your back or the shoes on your feet.  You are what you are.  And you answer to yourself. And When you’re laying in bed at night, only one person can stop the demons from coming.  Only one person shuts off the light.  And that person is you and only you.  That’s what I realized on that November day.  I had lost everything, but instantly, I had it all.  And everyday since has been pretty great.  Things are falling into place and the mundane is interesting.  I find everything fascinating now.  I’m able to concentrate.  I’m able to focus.  I like who I am.  I’ve always been a good person, but I never gave myself the benefit of the doubt.  I only saw the worst in me.  And now I only see my best qualities.  The others lay in the background.  I know who I am.  What I’m meant to be.  And my hopes and dreams will all come to fruition real soon.  But the journey getting there has been awesome.  And it continues…

The State of Music: Part 1

Things come and go but one thing that has remained constant over the course of time is music.  Since the beginning of time our ancestors have been listening to something.  Music really is the universal language and to this day i've never met someone who said they didn't like music.  A great song or a great album will be explored forever.  It amazes me how every generation discovers Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd.  To understand music today you must explore music from the past.  It's fun to see teenagers wearing Jimi Hendrix t shirts.  Great music truly lives on.

Today music is in such a fascinating place.  Some say that modern music is trash.  Some also say that great music lies in the past and that music today can never compare to music from the 60's or the 90's.  I am not one of these people.  In my opinion, the modern state of music is incredible.  I love diversity.  At what other time could you go on your computer and listen to Mozart and then throw on Lil' Wayne for free.  Every artist is a click away.  You are free to discover everyone.  Now, it is so easy for young people  to explore every rocker, rapper and composer.  Never has there been a time where this has been possible for free.  Spotify and Youtube have made this happen and I am so grateful. Besides having every artist at a touch of your fingertips, the true beauty is that young musicians will be influenced by so many different artists and that's what it's really all about.  Their is great music being made today and I think the future of music is so bright.  I can't wait for the next Radiohead or the next Jay Z.  No one will ever be exactly like them but there will be a new band and a new hip hop artist that will be the voice of their generations.  Every generation has a label.  The '60's has hippies and rock, the '70's has coked up guys wearing platforms listening to disco, the '80's have the '80's, you know what I mean, and the '90's have flannel shirts and alternative rock.  What does the millenium have?  I think the legacy of the first ten years of this century is the rise of music festivals and the downfall of record companies.  Nowadays you have to earn your money in a live setting.  What about 2010 and up.  So far, I have to say techno is the story.  I can't believe how techno and dance music has evolved.  It's huge!  The youngsters love this stuff.  Pretty crazy.

Every day for the next 5 days I will explore a different genre of music.  I will try to keep it brief.  I can write and talk about music all day so it will be tough.  Today's entry is Modern Rock...Enjoy!

Modern Rock
In music today, there are 4 modern rock bands who can really pack arenas.  They are as follows:

My Morning Jacket
In my opinion, MMJ is the best band that has surfaced in the millenium.  I first saw My Morning Jacket at Bonnaroo in 2004.  I had no idea who they were and neither did the majority of the festival goers.  I remember them taking the stage and thinking "wow, these guys look the part".  The band grabbed their instruments and for the next 2 hours I was transfixed.  I couldn't believe what I witnessing.  I didn't speak to my friend once throughout the course of their set.  I was riveted.  I remember their set ending and I turned to my friend and said "you just saw the future of Rock N' Roll", and today I stand by my prediction.  MMJ have evolved into a band very different then the one I saw in 2004.  Their sound has become more dissonant and atmospheric.  I really like it but i'd be lying to say that I wish they would go back and make one more great country rock album.  I love every MMJ album but my favorite is "It Still Moves".  That album came out at the time I discovered the band so it will always be my favorite.  The future for MMJ is bright.  There's nothing that they can't do and Jim James is a bonafide rock star.  I'm looking forward to the future.

The Black Keys
I also saw The Black Keys that weekend at Bonnaroo in 2004 as well and alsoKings of Leon who I will talk about next.  The Black Keys are powerful.  When I saw them in 2004 and again in 2006 they were just a 2 piece, Patrick Carney on Drums and Dan Auerbach on guitar.  Starightforward, dingy, guitar rock.  A couple of weekends ago I saw The Black Keys at The Global Citizens Music Festival in Central park.  Now, they have 3 other musicians playing with them which I thought would be lame.  Surprisingly, they were just as powerful, maybe even more powerful.  They really bring it live.  My favorite Black Keys album is "Attack and Release" which was The Black Keys first collaboration with Danger Mouse.  It hits hard.  A lot harder then there last 2 albums "Brothers" and "El Camino" which are much more accessible but also fantastic.  Especially El Camino.  El Camino implements some gospel and soul.  Since it came out i've been spinning it consistently.  I love it.

Kings of Leon
The Kings of Leon have gotten a lot of shit for selling out.  I think it's unfair.  They put out an album that was more accessible but I don't think they had any idea it would crossover so much.  I think they were really caught off guard.  Anyway, i've seen them live twice.  Once at bonnaroo, once at MSG and they are much better in a smaller setting.  When I saw them on a small stage at Bonnaroo they were earning their money.  It was hot, they were sweaty, and were playing like they life depended on it.  Kings of Leon's early albums are awesome.  Aha Shake Heartbreak is one of my favorite albums ever.  That's right.  Ever.  It's beer bumping blues rock that makes you want to drink Jack Daniels and chew tobacco.  If you don't think The Kings are for real watch their documentary Tahilini Sky.  They are straight redneck rock stars.  There are rumors they're breaking up.  I hope they're not true.

Arcade Fire
I have never seen Arcade Fire live but those that have seen them tell me it's a religious experience.  I watched their live webcast from Madison Square Garden and I was blown away.  It's a spectacle.  There are like 10 people onstage and it almost looks like it's a hipster Les Miserables.  Arcade Fire have so much energy and they are such great musicians.  Win Butler writes incredible songs.  His lyrics are beautiful and he's a great storyteller.  All 3 of their albums are fantastic.  Their debut album "Funeral" is one of the best albums of the past 25 years.  It can make you laugh and cry in 45 minutes.  I remember the first time hearing it and thinking to myself that their sound is so unique.  Nowadays, it's so hard to have your own unique sound.  Somehow, nobody sounds like Arcade Fire.  Their next 2 albums, "Neon Bible" and "The Suburbs" are great as well.  Especially "The Suburbs".  "The Suburbs" is basically a concept album.  Every suburbanite can relate to it and every listener can be transported there.  I am dying to see Arcade Fire live and I can't wait to see what they have up their sleeve next.  Obviously it will be something different then before.

Tomorrow I will discuss Pop music.  Watch out Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, i'm comin' for 'ya...

Hey Foodies, Fuck You!

When did it become cool to eat?  5 years ago 75% of females had an eating disorder.  Nowadays, every girl I meet is a so called "foodie".  They like to go to nice restaurants, order some eclectic tar tar on a cracker and then talk about what their palette's response is.  It's annoying me.  I like to eat.  I like to eat a lot and when I mean a lot, I mean large portions.  I like to eat a lot of the wrong things then feel guilty about it for the rest of the day.  I'll admit it, i'm a fatboy.  In the past 10 years i've weighed 175 lbs. and 275 lbs. and now i'm somewhere in between.  Food has always been the enemy.  But now I look around and it's cool to eat.  Saying you've been to a certain restaurant is a status statement.  People talk about chefs like they're rockstars.  Am I missing something?  I just don't get it.

Iron Chef, Anthony Bourdain, Adam Richman, Hell's Kitchen!  Food is the hot shit right now.  We've all been eating throughout the course of our lives, have we become so bored that we have to obsess about what we put in our mouths?  I'm a simple guy.  I like beer, I like scotch, I like diners, I like blowjobs and I like french fries.  I'm a man.  I don't care about how my food was prepared. I just care if it's good.  I don't care about the chef and his culinary background.  I don't care about the ambiance of the restaurant i'm eating in.  I want to eat with preferably big portions, drink, get the fuck out, go to the bar and get fucked up.  If i'm on a date, i'll pretend to enjoy these trendy restaurants but I can't stand them.

I honestly hate trendy restaurants.  I hate the bar scene.  The fancy drinks.  Everyone checking out each other trying to figure each other out.  You have an 8 o'clock reservation and your not seated till 9.  The service is suspect.  You're food takes longer then usual.and the portions are miniscule.  Then, you look over at the next table and you see these deuchebags obsessing over the taste and texture of their tapas.  Get over yourselves.  It's just food!  I like art.  You go to a museum, look at a painting and it makes you feel a certain way.  You contemplate how the artist felt or how they were inspired to create this masterpiece and in turn you discuss it with the person you came to the museum with.  This makes sense to me.  I get that.  But, was chef Ramsey feeling euphoric when he created your chicken noodle soup?  Was Bobby Flay in the throws of a depressed "Blue Period" when he cooked your steak too rare.  I don't think so.  I don't see the artistic integrity in food.  My Aunt Terry is a great cook.  One day i asked her "Aunt Terry, what's your secret to being a great cook"?  She said "Scotty, you gotta cook with love.  If your love your food, it will love you back".  Now that's an artistic food statement.  Homemade cooking can be cooked with love.  Chef Mirimoto is cooking the same chicken terriyaki 50 times a night.  I'm sure Chef Mirimoto is a lovely guy, but how much love can he give in one night?

Girls, I liked you better when you were anorexic.  You were cheaper.  Now you're foodies and your costing me a fortune.  I don't remember great meals.  But, I remember ballgames, concerts, and broadway shows.  I'd much rather spend $300 on entertainment then food.  If you want to find me tonight i'll be dining at The Orion Diner tonight on 23rd & 2nd.  Chef Miguel Fernandez from The Bronx will be making me a cheeseburger  deluxe with well done fries.  Miguel's not a chef, he's an artist.  He makes the greasiest fries in the New York City.

It's just food....who cares!!!

Hey Ladies, What Are You Looking For?

Ladies.  I luv 'ya but I don't getcha and i'm starting to realize I never will.  It seems to me you all want what you can't have and when you get it, you don't want it anymore.  Hey ladies, what are you looking for?  What makes you happy?  What motivates you?  What is your purpose?  Every female is different and it seems everyone wants something different but they all want an identity or a story.  A female looks at her life like a soap opera.  Us guys are just pawns in their game.  Most of us are just characters that come and go.  Some become lead characters and some get written off the show.  But every girl needs a good story.  And every good story is filled with drama.  In every good story the drama usually revolves around the females romantic lead character.  The ladies are trying hard to figure out what they want.  But what do they want?  What do us men need today to seal the deal.  What are you looking for ladies?  I have broken down a female wishlist of what the ladies are looking for out there.  Here it goes:

Looks- The obvious #1 choice is physical attraction.  All you nice girls out there try to play it up that you're more personality/character based but we all know you care what we look like.  It doesn't make you shallow, it's important to be attracted to someone your with.  Let's face it, when your dating someone what they look like unfortunately says something about you.  In the society we live in today looks are crucial.  Plus, nowadays when your dating someone everyone can see.  Your picture with your boyfriend will be up on facebook.  Ladies need to flaunt their guy and say "look what I got".  Girls are inherently jealous and mostly cruel and competitive so looks matter.  Don't fool yourself ladies, you know they do.

Money- Oh yes, the ladies love money and they love to spend money so it usually helps if you have money. Ladies like nice restaurants, shoes, pocketbooks etc.  Now, don't get me wrong their are a lot of independent woman out there who have their own money.  But, the girls like guys who will make them feel monetarily special.  Jewelry, vacations...who doesn't like these things?  I'll come right and say it, if you have money you just went from a 6 to a 9.  Men gain 3 points from the female perspective if you have cash.  Rich guys get hot chicks for a reason and it's not because they're funny or have great personalities.  It's because they can give girls what they want and they want everything.  Everything is a price a rich guy can afford.

A Solid Profession- This is more important then one thinks.  Girls are attracted to security.  They like to know they're secure, will be taken care of, and that their man is doing something relevant.  It's important for a girl to tell her girlfriends and parents they they're boyfriend is a lawyer or in finance.  It's almost like a warped status symbol.

Sense Of Humor- To some girls this is huge.  Everyone loves to laugh.  At least that's what every girl writes in her computer dating profile.  If you like to laugh, find a funny guy ladies.  Entertainment is important.  At the end of the day, coming home to someone amusing is a bonus.  It's all about priorities.  How important is it to you to enjoy your company?  Looks, employment, moneyare huge factors but you can't buy humor.  I know some funny chicks.  I like a girl that can make me laugh.  Some girls feel the same way.

Nice Guy- Do nice guys really finish last?  Usually.  Ladies many of you love the game and for some reason enjoy getting made to feel inferior.  Why?  I have no idea but you do.  It's sad but it's true and i'll never understand it.  You love drama and with a nice, laid back guy you might not get the drama you crave.  Yes, there are some girls who like a kind, caring, compassionate guy that they can bring home to mom and dad.  A guy whose good with kids, your girlfriends love and is thoughtful.  And to the girls who respect that, props to you.  But, you're a dying breed.  Girls like mystery, jealousy and deception and nice guys don't provide that so they usually finish last.

Bad Boys- Ladies love bad asses.  Even the ones who say they don't, do.  When a guy's doing wrong he's really doing right.  There are girls who like to call and text and love not getting a response.  Their mind starts to race, they get all worked up and jealous and start thinking the worst.  It becomes a game, almost like a sick addiction.  They get addicted to the fear of unknown.  Some girls would like to put a GPS on their bad boy boyfriend.  It turns them on.  The fighting, the bickering, the "I hate you's" turns into make up sex.  It's a vicious cycle.  Beware of the bad boys ladies.

Drama- I saved the best for last and it's the underlying current behind everything I have mentioned thus far.  Girls are addicted to drama.  Their lives are reality shows.  In a single girls mind she is the bachelorette.  An engaged girl is the bride of the millenium and the married girl is thinking about the future.  Whatever that may be.  Her single days are a distant memory.  And in all the scenarios I just mentioned they're still searching for drama.  Girls need something to think about.  Guys like to think about nothing.  Girls think about relationships and sample sales.  It's sad, but unfortunately most of the time it's true.  Relationships and sample sales are a lot more dramatic then sports and sex.  Ladies, here's my advice.  More love, less drama.

Every girl is looking for something different.  No girl wants the exact same thing and is attracted to the exact same guy.  Ladies, follow your heart and not his wallet.  There's some good guys out there.  I think it's important to know what you're looking for.  Personally, I have no clue.  But girls usually have a better idea of what they want then guys.  At least they have a better idea then me.  Go find your man ladies because although this blog is called Scott Don't Care I do wish all of you nothing but love and happiness.  If you're lonely, email me...i'll keep you company...

Where To Pickup Chicks

Being single in the city can be challenging.  90% of my friends are are engaged or married  and this makes meeting woman challenging.  The lack of wingmen has forced me to run solo game.  Running solo game is tough. Unless a girl is at the bar solo, or you catch one getting a drink, it makes things hard.  Even harder, where does one single guy meet a female?  I've broken down the places a single dude like myself can get digits.  Here's the list:

Bar: This is the obvious #1 choice.  I've been working hard on my bar game.  I've come to the conclusion it's all about wit, charm and eye contact.  Girls like to be noticed so i'll try to comment on what they're wearing or laugh at their unfunny jokes.  Very hard to run game with no support.  I look to see wicht girls are looking at me.  The trick is to have no fear.  Like dogs, woman spell fear.  If you exude confidence you're good.  Also, comment on what the girl is drinking.  It's a good conversation starter.

The Computer:  I have done a great deal of online and dating I have officially thrown in the towel.  The girls usually don't look like their picture.  Their personality is usually much different in person then on the phone. Basicallty the girls i've met never live up to expectations.  Plus, I think it's whack to say you met on the internet.  I know it's worked for millions but it won't work for me.

Bookstore:  The bookstore is a very good resource.  I like to read and I can spend hours in a bookstore.  If you spot a hottie, walk over to her section and comment on the book she's looking at.  Maybe she's looking at 50 Shades of Grey.  If so, she needs some, asap.  Books are a perfect conversation starter.  You already have something in common.  You're all good.

Temple or Church:  Now I don't do places of worship but i've heard temple and church are breeding grounds.  Religion is an aphrodisiac for some.  If you have to go to temple or church might as well get rewarded for going.  Sex is not a sin.

The Gym:  This is a tough venture.  Pulling gym game is near impossible.  Girls don't feel pretty at the gym.  Guys testosterone's pumping while they pump iron and stare at themselves in the mirror.  Ladies, every guy in the gym is staring at your ass while your on the treadmill.  In order to get a number at the gym, you have to be real slick.  The conversation has to be seamless and initiated by you fellas.  Ask for a workout tip or something.  Good luck to you.

The Subway:  I recently got a number on the subway.  I can only equate it to the feeling one has when they win the lottery.  A near impossible thing to do.  Everything has to fall perfectly into place.  Where the girl is standing or sitting.  How long you're both on the subway.  What stop both of you are getting off at.  Initiating conversation.  When to ask for her number.  Many variables at play.  Be personable.

The Park:  A good resource.  The park is your friend.  A nice sunny day.  Everyone's happy.  Have a frisbee catch with your friend and have him toss a crappy throw on to the hotties towel where she's sitting.  Perfect opener.  Apologize and comment on the weather.  Start the convo.  You're good to go.

The Set Up:  Being set up seems to be a good resource for many.  I don't like it because at first you just have the person that set you up in common.  Some view this as a conversation starter.  I think it's lame.  It could be all that you have to talk about.  I'd rather be spontaneous and face the unknown.  You get a better feel for how the other person is.  This is just my opinion.  Millions meet this way.

At A Party:  Great way to meet someone.  Maybe the best.  You have the person whose throwing the party in common or you could just be tagging along with a friend.  Just being there gives you something to discuss. It's a very easy place to have a casual conversation.  You can get a good sense of someone at a party.  One of my faves.

Concert/Ballgame:  Tough but effective place to meet woman.  A concert is a good resource.  Especially at a smaller venue.  You have your love for the band in common.  Being on the same page musically is a nice start to a relationship.  Music is important to me and a chick with good taste in music is cool.  A ballgame is harder.  Girls are usually at ballgames with their friends so it's hard to get them alone unless you're sitting next to one.  A girl into sports, especially the same team is a bonus.  Don't be shy, go for it.

Wedding:  The penultimate.  The holy grail!  They live up to the hype.  When a girl watches her friend get married, they get overwhelmed with the desire to meet someone and they want the process to start immediately.  If you put in the effort, a wedding will get you laid so RSVP yes.  If you play your cards right a bridesmaid dress will be crumpled up on your floor.  Mazel tov!

Hopefully this list was helpful to you.  It's tough out there.  If you put in the effort, your bound to be rewarded.  Good luck to all you singles.  If all else fails go on the bachelor or the bachelorette.  You have a 1 in 25 chance to find love.  Better odds then the real world.  If you're really looking to find love, you'll find it.  If you're looking to get laid, just exude confidence.  Make like you know something they don't.  You should have no problem.  To my boys, happy chick hunting.  To the ladies, don't be afraid to tell a guy you're interested.  I was at a bar last week and this Lebanese girl hit on me.  She was blunt.  She's said "I think you're good looking and I find you interesting, we should go out sometime".  I nearly choked on my tongue.  She wasn't too attractive though.  We spoke for awhile.  I excused myself to take a leak.  I came back, she was gone.  I guess she lost interest...haha.

Guys, words to live be:  Don't lie to me, lie to girls...

Keep it real ya'll because Scott does care about 'ya, but no one else does...

The Fantasy Football Phenomenon. Bizarre???

It's that time of year and most heterosexual males between the ages of 18-54 are getting ready for the upcoming fantasy football season. Over the course of the next 2 weeks men will study, prepare, and get together to draft a fantasy football team. No, they aren't really coaching or playing these players. No, they are not real general managers. No, these players are not cognisant of who these men drafting them are. But yes, these fantasy football owners consider these players "their players" like they really play for them. Now i've been doing fantasy football for 10 years. I share a team with my best friend. My best friend takes this shit very seriously. So do the rest of "the owners" in my league. Am I the only guy that finds the fantasy football obsession strange?

Now I understand the competitive nature. Boys will be boys and every guy likes to be #1. But, fantasy football competition is out of control. Yes, you draft your players. Yes, you decide who starts. Yes, you can make trades and pickup guys. That's all cute. But at the end of the day the outcome really comes down to 2 things:
1) injuries
2) player performances
These are the things that are out of the fantasy football owners control and pretty much dictate the outcome of who wins and who loses.

I personally think fantyasy football is fucking stupid but I do it because it's fun to have a little bit of interest in every game and strategize with my best friend. Now don't get it twisted. I love football. But depending on strangers to win me money and give me bragging rights is pretty ridiculous.

The most amazing part about fantasy football is how serious guys take it. I know guys that sit in front of their computers from 1 PM-12 AM on Sundays just watching their players play. If that's not enough, on Monday night, if they have a player playing, they sit in front of their computers for 3 more hours. Fantasy football effects a man's mood and dictates the outcome of their week. Fantasy football can even costs men relationships. I know some guys who choose fantasy football over their girlfriends. Ladies, if your dating a guy whose a fantasy football junkie, you won't be doing brunch or getting paid attention to on Sundays for the next 4 months. Sorry.

Fantasy football has become more important to most guys then the outcome of their favorite teams game. Nowadays guys choose their fantasy football over the team they root for. I find that fucking sad. You're choosing a fictitious team over a real team that actually lines up and plays on Sunday.

Also, guys talking about the players on their fantasy team like they are "their" players.  Like they truly own them or pay their salaries. They refer to them like they know them. Almost like their performing solely for their fantasy football team. Hey owners, these players don't know you. They don't give a flying fuck about you. They play for their teams and themselves. They don't care about the extra 2 yards they picked up before they went out of bounds got you .2 points to win your week.

From the outside looking in, fantasy football is really a bizarre phenomenon. 10 dudes study for a draft. 10 dudes get together and pick players over the course of 3 hours. And during those 3 hours the dudes hardly talk to one another. 10 dudes hovering over their computers for 16 Sundays for 10 hours straight. Sounds a little crazy right?

Hey, i'm guilty. I have my draft on Thursday and i'll see all my friends in one room and we'll all bullshit and catch up for 10 minutes and have a drink. 10 minutes later we'll get down to business.  We'll sit down, begin to make picks and the time will just stand still. Those 3 hours feel like 3 years. Finally we'll finish, say goodnight and head out with a new team for a new year. And we won't all assemble together to the next year where the  same thing will happen once again.  Bizarre!

Are you ready for some fantasy football? Who cares...