When did it become cool to eat? 5 years ago 75% of females had an eating disorder. Nowadays, every girl I meet is a so called "foodie". They like to go to nice restaurants, order some eclectic tar tar on a cracker and then talk about what their palette's response is. It's annoying me. I like to eat. I like to eat a lot and when I mean a lot, I mean large portions. I like to eat a lot of the wrong things then feel guilty about it for the rest of the day. I'll admit it, i'm a fatboy. In the past 10 years i've weighed 175 lbs. and 275 lbs. and now i'm somewhere in between. Food has always been the enemy. But now I look around and it's cool to eat. Saying you've been to a certain restaurant is a status statement. People talk about chefs like they're rockstars. Am I missing something? I just don't get it.
Iron Chef, Anthony Bourdain, Adam Richman, Hell's Kitchen! Food is the hot shit right now. We've all been eating throughout the course of our lives, have we become so bored that we have to obsess about what we put in our mouths? I'm a simple guy. I like beer, I like scotch, I like diners, I like blowjobs and I like french fries. I'm a man. I don't care about how my food was prepared. I just care if it's good. I don't care about the chef and his culinary background. I don't care about the ambiance of the restaurant i'm eating in. I want to eat with preferably big portions, drink, get the fuck out, go to the bar and get fucked up. If i'm on a date, i'll pretend to enjoy these trendy restaurants but I can't stand them.
I honestly hate trendy restaurants. I hate the bar scene. The fancy drinks. Everyone checking out each other trying to figure each other out. You have an 8 o'clock reservation and your not seated till 9. The service is suspect. You're food takes longer then usual.and the portions are miniscule. Then, you look over at the next table and you see these deuchebags obsessing over the taste and texture of their tapas. Get over yourselves. It's just food! I like art. You go to a museum, look at a painting and it makes you feel a certain way. You contemplate how the artist felt or how they were inspired to create this masterpiece and in turn you discuss it with the person you came to the museum with. This makes sense to me. I get that. But, was chef Ramsey feeling euphoric when he created your chicken noodle soup? Was Bobby Flay in the throws of a depressed "Blue Period" when he cooked your steak too rare. I don't think so. I don't see the artistic integrity in food. My Aunt Terry is a great cook. One day i asked her "Aunt Terry, what's your secret to being a great cook"? She said "Scotty, you gotta cook with love. If your love your food, it will love you back". Now that's an artistic food statement. Homemade cooking can be cooked with love. Chef Mirimoto is cooking the same chicken terriyaki 50 times a night. I'm sure Chef Mirimoto is a lovely guy, but how much love can he give in one night?
Girls, I liked you better when you were anorexic. You were cheaper. Now you're foodies and your costing me a fortune. I don't remember great meals. But, I remember ballgames, concerts, and broadway shows. I'd much rather spend $300 on entertainment then food. If you want to find me tonight i'll be dining at The Orion Diner tonight on 23rd & 2nd. Chef Miguel Fernandez from The Bronx will be making me a cheeseburger deluxe with well done fries. Miguel's not a chef, he's an artist. He makes the greasiest fries in the New York City.
It's just food....who cares!!!
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