Sex: Everyone's Having It!

Everybody's having sex.  Unbelievable right!  And I mean everyone.  Every person you past by is fornicating.  The unkempt guy making your sandwich at the deli.  He's having sex.  The old chubby dude who owns the liquor store.  He's having sex.  Your korean dry cleaner who thanks you 3 times for your business.  He's having sex.  Amazing right!  They are all having sex and it blows my mind!  The next time you walk down the street take a long, detailed look at the person who walks by you.  They are having sex.  Or, they've had sex.  Somebody slept with that person.  How the hell did that happen?

Now, nobody's perfect.  I am far from perfect but every now and then I find a female that wants to do me.  It's miraculous!  Hard to believe right.  Somehow I coerce a girl into thinking that I am worth spending intimate time with.  Now, everyone's taste is different.  Hot for me is not hot for you.  But let's be honest, some people are flat out unattractive.  Does falling in love with someone's character truly exist?  It must.  You may think this is bullshit, but I won't date someone who is not a great person.  Doesn't matter how hot she is.  I might sleep with said beautiful girl, but I won't date her.  For me, values are more important then looks.  But, I won't lie.  You need to be attracted to someone.  But I do think attraction can grow through interaction.  Is that how unattractive people meet?  If so, that's beautiful.  What's beautiful about it is there relationship will be more fruitful.  A relationship based on character and not looks will undoubtedly last longer and be more authentic.  And I believe everyone's looking for a quality relationship.  

The one thing everyone agrees on is sex.  It unites us.  I never met anyone who says sex sucks.  Whether your black, white, male, female, gay or straight you love to bone.  Sex is the underlying current of what's controlling society and running this country.  All relationships are based on sex.  Politics, sports.  It's the root of all evil, and quite possibly, the most beautiful, thing in the world.  And it's usually free.  It makes love.  It breaks love.  It gives life.  Without sex you wouldn't be here.  I wouldn't be here.  All those ugly people you walked by on the street had parents who had sex.  Probably ugly parents.  But they consummated.  They had sex!

So go out and have sex!  Because it's fun.  It's free.  It's a good workout and it makes you smile.  So go do it.  Just do it right.  Good sex.  Bad sex.  I'll still luv 'ya because Scott Don't Care....

Some Quick Thoughts On God

Some Quick Thoughts On God

It doesn't make sense to me.  The world is divided by a spirit no one has legitimately seen.  God runs many people's lives.  It runs countries.  More people have been killed in the name of God then anything in the history of the world and nobody's ever seen him.  But many are so sure they have.  Now i'm not Bill Maher.  I believe in God.  God meaning that I believe in something much bigger then us.  But, I don't go around quoting him, praying to him or preaching to him.  George Carlin said it best "I pray to the sun, at least I can see it".  It's funny and it makes a lot of sense.  Now take a step back for a second.  Imagine you were teleported into 2013 a 30 year old newborn never experiencing human civilization.  If you walked into a church, a synagogue or a mosque and you saw a bunch of grownups dressed funny all standup up then sit down while saying the same thing it would look insane.  Much more insane then an insane asylum.  At least they play checkers there.

Every religious group is so sure they're right.  They're so sure their version of the big guy is the right version.  You all can't be right!  Somebody's gotta be wrong!  Now, I don't have the right answer.  But, I have the right answer for me.  I personally don't go to places of worship.  I find it hypocritical.  I feel out of place.  Sort of like a Jew at the Vatican.  I believe God can be found everywhere.  That's my version of Hashem.  I believe the holy spirit lives within us and is all around us.  I read a book that said we are all God and God is trying to communicate with us.  Interesting right.  Maybe God's trying to figure out how to talk to us instead of us searching to talk with him.  It makes just as much sense to me.

Believe it or not, i'm a man of faith, not science.  I think some things just can't be explained.  I'll use myself as an example.  I'm a poet.  I've been published.  I've never studied poetry.  Neither of my parents are poets.  I have no poets or writers in the family.  I've never really read poetry besides my own.  I fucking hate poetry with a passion! But, i'm really good at writing it.  It doesn't make sense.  I can't explain it.  Of course, that's a shitty example.  But it's one of the reasons that I believe that the statement that says "science can't explain everything" is true.  There are millions of better examples.  The fact that we are here inhabiting the planet earth is reason enough to believe in God.  It will never be explained.  Darwin's theory of evolution makes the most sense but it's still flawed.  I look at nature and I find God.  Everything is in its proper place.  Our surroundings makes sense.  The right trees grew in the right surroundings.  The right animals are native to the right spot on the globe for their species to inhabit.  Rock formation.  All of nature makes sense to me.  I see God in all of it because it's pure.  It's real.  It adapts.  It breathes.  It's alive.  Just like us.

I also find God within.  My friends know that i'm deeply into meditation.  When I meditate I find answers.  Not the answers to society's problems, the answers to my problems and the answers to the situations and problems within my life.  I tap into my consciousness twice a day for 20 minutes and I come out refreshed and  organized.  It's the most important thing I do everyday and I don't know where i'd be without it. 

Lastly,  I've been through a lot of shit in my life.  More then most.  And I never directly found God.  A couple of years ago I went on a spiritual quest.  I read a lot of religious and spiritual texts.  I'm fascinated by that stuff.  I took a little something from all of those texts.  Below are the three most important statements I've read.  They are nonreligious and apply to everyone.  Enjoy!

1) Whatever you're thinking about, you're attracting into your life.  This is known as the law of attraction.  Ex. If you want a new job or promotion, think about it constantly and have the belief that you've already received the said job or promotion, you'll attract it and you'll get it.  The law of attractions is always at work.  It's 100% real.  Every person, every situation and everything in your life, you've attracted.  Even chlamydia.

2) Live In The Now - Don't think about what you should have done differently in the past.  It's over!  You can't change it.  Don't think everything will change when you get that new job in the future.  You'll still be you only making more money but your problems and flaws will follow you.  The only thing you can change is the present moment and that moment is always now.  And that moment dictates your future and puts the past behind you.

3) There's always a message to be found.  Everything does happen for a reason.  Whether good or bad, there's always a life lesson to be learned.  Your job is to find that lesson and learn from it.  When you find the lesson, you'll know.  Trust me.

Ladies, what Makes Your Man?

Ladies, What Makes Your Man?
Ladies, what does it for 'ya?  What makes you swoon?  What makes you say "I want him!"  What makes your man?  

Who are men?  What are men?.  These are not easy questions to answer.  Of course, every man is different.  Men like beer, sports and sex.  That's the stereotypical American Male.  But that stereotype is bullshit.  

Unlike woman, men get to the point.  Their stories have a beginning, middle and end in 2 minutes.  Very few details are given.  The use of adjectives are limited.  A woman's story is a miniseries.  They come in installments.  You can buy the story on DVD when it's over.  But, men love woman.  Everybody loves woman. Gay men, lesbians and transsexuals love woman.  But how woman choose men is interesting.  They have a prototype in their head.  They keep record. Pros and cons.  Does the bad outweigh the good?  Where do they make the exceptions.  Ladies, What makes your man?  Woman choose from a list of 12 categories that encompass the man they are looking for.  These 12 categories support the foundation of the female selection process.  And believe me guys, the ladies are taking notes and seeing what works for them.

Ladies, What Makes Your Man:


The 12 Categories That Decide If A Woman Is Interested In You.
1) Money
2) Job
3) Religion
4) Personality
5) close w/Family
6) Culture/Pop Culture
7) Apartment
8) Style
9) Travel
10) Sports Teams
11) His friends
12) Pets

Each Categories Value To Woman:
1) Money- The diner. The Poconos. The movies and a 1 karat diamond ring. 
Or 
Stanton Social, Antigua, Broadway and a ring from Tiffany's. The choice is yours.

2) Job- Ladies like to tell their girlfriends that their husband or boyfriend makes more $ then theirs. Fact.

3) Religion- The kid needs to know if he's gonna be Bar Mitzvhad or baptized.

4) Personality- Will I be laughing and smiling or crying and whining?

5) Close With Family- Will I refer to his mother as mom?

6) Culture/Pop Culture- Will you be watching the bachelor together?

7) Apartment- Interior designer or shit from Ikea?

8) Style- Is my boyfriend a shlub or are we shopping together and picking out shirts at J. Crew.

9) Travel- Does he want to go to the louvre or the bar across street?

10) Sports Team- Helps to be on the same page.  Especially if you're a Jet or Met fan.

11) His Friends- Is he surrounded by assholes or are they at least respectful and cordial.

12) Pets- "I hate his fucking dog!"  He smells like shit.  Do I have to walk him.  Fuck!

Ladies, we know you consider these categories.  But don't be deceived.  Sometimes priorities change, your men change, and what you consider important loses its value.  Sometimes things that didn't matter become important.  5 years ago I could care less if a girl could cook.  Today, I would love a girl who's good in the kitchen.  Ladies, be careful for what you wish for, you might get it.  But wish for the right things.  If you're just looking for a guy with money. I hate to break it to you, it's probably not gonna work.  A good relationship is based on trust and companionship.  Enjoy your man's company and love him for who he ain't as much as who he is.  You'll thank me later.  

Ladies, what makes your man? I don't fucking know because Scott Don't Care...

WHO IS NORMAL?

Who Is Normal?

It's becoming harder and harder to define.  Who is normal? Who do you define as normal? Who do we define as normal? I am not normal. I wish I was, but I'm not. I like being abnormal. Seriously though, everyone has their own definition of normal. My definition is probably different then your definition. And that's what makes this country and world great. I believe in diversity and I think the world revolves around one thing, perception. The way we perceive our lives and the lives of those around us gives us our definition of normal. We're all wired differently. No two people are exactly alike. Not even identical twins. But the solution to our brain chemistry and the way we think is our family. You're more like your brother, sister and cousins then you believe. The apple doesn't fall too far from your family tree. Back to normal. Growing up I thought my family was normal. Around the age of 14 I realized this was not the case. Sure, I grew up in a nice house in a beautiful development in Dix Hills. My parents were always around and still together. I have a younger sister. We had 2 brand new cars, a big backyard...you get the idea. Most would see this as normal. It kind of sounds like the American dream. But inside my house were 4 very unique personalities. Us Gendal's are far from normal. We were 3 lunatics and my mother controlled the mental ward. I mean this in the most loving way. My dad, my sister and I are certainly abnormal. In my house my mother was the definition of normal. But I believe your own personal definition of normal comes from outside the family. I think everyone needs one non family member to be their definition of normal. My definition is my best friend Michael. I will explain why...


My Definition of Normal
My best friend Michael AKA "Spike" is living a great life.  One I truly admire. I don't envy Michael, but I wish I was more like him. We've been friends since we were toddlers. We've basically done everything together. Me, Michael and Drew (my other best friend) have basically been inseparable from before we can remember. I don't know my life without them. Besides my parents, they have probably had the greatest influence on me. We are 3 very different personalities . We are 3 very different people and I think that's why it's always worked. We truly love one another for who we are. There's never been a competition between the three of us unless it was on the basketball court. It was certainly never in the classroom. Drew's always been my partner in crime. He's the life of the party. Every night he leaves the bar with 20 friends. When were together your watching a comedy team and I'm playing the straight man. Michael's always been conscience and therapist. He's always even keel and he's always listening. My mind is constantly creating and drifting and coming up with ideas. No matter what I say, no matter how crazy, funny or insane it is, Michael won't judge me. If I say something too abstract, he won't comment. If I say something intelligent or insightful it will start a 20 minute conversation. If I say something really funny, he'll open his mouth wide, laugh once, and then have a funny retort or will repeat what I said back to me in a different tone. He's the perfect ying to my yang.

I went off on a tangent. Back to normal. 

When it comes to life Michael's always done everything right. Everyday I'd go to his house after school and always after High School. We basically lived next door to each other. Everyday after High School Michael would walk in his house, grab a drink and do his homework immediately. I'd look at him like he was from Neptune. I'd go in his backyard and get high while he's doing his social studies homework. He had a goal. Michael wanted to go to Michigan where his brother Jeff went. At that point in time My plans were to go on tour with Phish. He's always planned ahead. He was always prepared for the next step. This is why he's my definition of normal. He went to the college of his choice. Got good grades. Got a good job. Got a great girl. Married her, and is now the father to the coolest baby boy. If there's such thing as an American dream Michael's living it. But he's never satisfied, he's always looking to better himself and that what makes him great. Michael's my hero and my definition of normal. Without his influence of normality I'd probably be homeless in Washington Square Park.

The Definition of Abnormal?
So what makes me abnormal. I spend days at a time writing things that I'm not getting paid to write yet, this blog being one of them. I meditate twice a day for an hour each day. I enjoy burning incense and watering indoor plants. I drink bold coffee all morning and drink exotic teas all afternoon. NOW THE INTERESTING STUFF. I don't judge people based on income, only character. I'm non materialistic. I'm non judgemental.  I treat and talk to doctors and sanitation workers the same way.  I'll go to the ballet and a ballgame in the same day. I generally think everyone is interesting besides me. I like to sit in parks alone, people watch and guess what they do for a living. I'll watch a good subway performer for a half hour and be late to wherever I'm supposed to be going. I'm so scatterbrained that I write down what I have to do for the day every morning. I'm OCD and when outside my comfort zone I become very anxious. Within 30 seconds I usually know if someone's full of shit. I'm all about positive energy. I'm spiritual, not religious. I believe in karma, miracles and the afterlife.

Scott's Real Abnormality:
The route I took wasn't like Michael's. Sure on paper it may look like Michael's but if you read the fine print you'll see it's different. Everything I had in my life came the hard way. Sure, growing up I wanted for nothing. I never asked for anything, it was just given. Clothes, a car, CD's, it was given to me. But I was never there to enjoy it. I could never enjoy the moment. I always felt unfulfilled. No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. I had no self confidence and I usually felt alone and isolated even when I was surrounded by tons of people. I really didn't know who I was or who I was supposed to be. What was normal? Go to college. Move to the city. Get a good job. Meet a girl. Get married. Have a kid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. Peripherally that's all of my friends lives and a big part of me envies that. All of my friends seem to have taken that path. About 3 years ago I realized this was not my path. Atleast not right now. So in my world this makes me abnormal. And I've learned to relish in my abnormality. I have somehow found a way to fully accept who I am. And I think my friends and people in general love and respect me for that. Characters make the world go round and I'm a fucking character. And I wouldn't want it any other way. So am I abnormal. Fuck yeah! Atleast I am in my world. And your world is your whole world...it's how you perceive it.

Every person has their own definition of normal. I believe we all define normal by a few things but there is one person who truly defines it. Think about who that person is for you. It's food for thought. Remember your definition of normal does not necessarily have to be someone just like you. They could be the complete opposite.  I say think different, create your own definition of normal. Whatever that may be. Once you do, nothing will seem that weird...

Normal. Abnormal...It don't matter. I'll still luv 'ya because Scott Don't Care...

A Jew On Christmas

Oh, to be a Jew on Christmas.  It's confusing.  All year long you blend in and for the most part are not looked at any differently.  But, on Christmas, Jews have the plague.  It's clear that the month of December is not for us.  I know, we have Hannukah.  Please!  Hannukah's the minor leagues next to the almighty Christmas.  Christmas rules the roost and everywhere you turn Jews are reminded that we're not Jewish.  We are like chickens with our heads cut off.  We can fly, we just don't know where to go.

It's lonely being a Jew on Christmas.  You feel left out.  We're annual outcasts and we just can't escape it.  Songs, commercials, trees, even Christmas clothing, we are constantly reminded that we don't belong.  It's ok though, we're used to persecution and oppression.  For the majority of our 5,000 year existence Jews have either been outcasts, slaughtered or enslaved.  Us Jews nowadays have it easy.  We control Hollywood and the media.  We might as well create a new Holiday.  Would nonjews know the difference?  Ask a nonjew what sukkot is.  They have no idea.  Ask me what sukkot is.  I have no idea.  It's clear we are not the chosen people on Christmas.  Or, were we just chosen not to celebrate?  I'm not sure.  I'll let you decide.

The Jewish Options on Christmas
1) Movies/Chinese Food
2) Video games
3) Card games
4) Board games
5) Drink heavily
6) Chain smoke weed
7) Watch the yule log for 24 hours
8) all of the above

Every good Jew goes to the movies and eats chinese food on Christmas.  It's The Jew thing to do.  The Jewish Christmas if you will.  Fortunately there are a lot of good movie choices this year.  Les Mis, Django, the Bin laden flick.  Jews will be seeing something and eating dumplings.
I don't know about you but I like being different.  Being a Jew on Christmas makes you different and most of the time, that makes all the difference.

To all my catholic friends....Merry Christmas!!!

To all my Jews...Baruch atah adonai, enjoy your sesame chicken!!!

Whether your Jewish, Catholic, Muslim I luv 'ya because Scott Don't Care....

The Evolution of My Friends: Single>Married

Ok, so I’m the last man standing.  As of now I am the only single one left and I feel great about it.  I don’t mind being single.

But, it kind of sucks that all my friends are either married, engaged or in serious relationships.  Thank God for jdate and okcupid, otherwise I’d have nothing to do.  If the right one comes along, great.  If not, whatever.  But this blog entry is not about me, it’s about my friends.  Things are changing.  My friends are changing.  They’re thinking differently and thinking long term.  “What are we doing tonight” has turned into “do you know how much diapers cost”.  There really is nothing wrong with that.  My friends are evolving, growing up and I’ll always love them no matter what.  But, it almost feels like some of them have taken on a different identity or have become their parents.  What’s weird is when we hang they’ll have moments of being who they once were.  Rare glimpses into their former selves.  This is neither a negative or a positive, it’s just a fact.  I love my friends for who they are, who they were, I just can’t believe the changes.  It happened so fast.  There is an evolution.  Your friends slowly turn into husbands and fathers and it usually takes place over the course of 5 years.  Below I will discuss the evolution of my friends in 5 stages:

The 5 Stages of Evolution of My Friends

11)Single

22) Serious Relationship

33) Engagement

44) Marriage

55) Fatherhood

Single- Fuck, it was a good time when we were all single.  Sex, drugs and Rock N’ Roll (well, mostly hip hop).  We were a crew.  We loved one another, looked out for each other and lived for the weekend.  My friends were carefree, less stressed and seemed to laugh a lot more.  The biggest stress in their life was their running back getting hurt on their fantasy football team.  We were young and stupid but we were too naïve to care.  My friends chased girls, took bong hits and tried to prevent responsibility at all costs.  The most fun I’ve ever had was between the ages of 23-27.  Our first love was for one another, everyone else took a backseat, even girls.

Serious Relationship- Here’s where things start to change.  All of a sudden your friends are checking in with someone.  You constantly have stories about their significant others and if their cell phone rings and you’re in the middle of the conversation, the conversation is over.  Then the drama ensues.  The fighting, the jealousy.  The breakup.  The makeup, and then it just seems to end.  Your friend gets to the point where the game of tug of war ends.  It’s almost like they throw in the towel and surrender.  You can’t beat the girl at “the game”.  Girls can live without sex, we can’t.  It’s unfair.  Your friends settle safely into their long term relationship and they seem to mellow out.  They change and if they get engaged they’ll never, ever be the same.

Engagement- Holy shit!  It’s really happening.  Only one thing matters at this point.  Do you get along with your friends fiance’.  If not, you will be seeing a lot less of your friends.  After your friend gets engaged, it becomes harder to get your friend alone away from his fiance’.  And when you do, it goes down!  Your friend tries to make up for lost time.  He hits the bottle and the bong hard.  I call it the engagement conjugal visit.  They make love to the drugs and alcohol they miss so much.  And I make love to the drugs and alcohol right along with ‘em.  Well, at least the alcohol. I no longer do drugs.  If I did, I’d tell ‘ya.

Marriage- Whoa!  It really happened.  Weddings are great.  Your friend gets married, you get real drunk with all your friends, try to bang a bridesmaid and then don’t see your friend for 3 months.  Post marriage, your friend goes into his marriage bunker.  The shock sets in and and he needs time to process these turn of events.  Then, your friend emerges like a groundhog on groundhog day.  He comes out a changed man.  He looks relaxed, secure and happy.  9 months later he looks confused and befuddled.  He realized that it all really happened.  If I ever get married I think I’ll be more shocked that I actually walked down the aisle and took part in the bullshit ceremony rather than being married.  I’m pro marriage, just anti wedding ceremony.  At the current time all my married friends seem happy and think they made the right choice.  My dad always says that marriage starts when you have kids.  That seems to be the truth.

Fatherhood- Holy Mary Mother of God!  My friends are fathers.  5 years ago they were vomiting in cabs, now their kids are vomiting on them.  I love being Uncle Scotty and when I look at my friends kids it’s like looking in a mirror.  They are basically mini me’s of my friends.  My friends have officially changed.  They’re fathers.  They are not first priority, their wives are not first priority, their kids are.  They are essentially living their lives for someone else.  I really respect that.  I hope to be a father one day.  It seems like a great time but I’m sure it’s a lot of work.  It’s become hard to see my friends who have kids.  Near impossible to get them alone in a bar.  But that’s fine.  It’s all worth it.  When I see their kids the evolution of my friends makes sense.  The prize they get at the end of their journey is their kids.  Hopefully they don’t suck.

We All change.  We all grow.  Everyday were learning and bettering ourselves.  Except yesterday.  Yesterday I set my life back a year.  I’ll save that story for my next blog entry.  If you’re single, in a serious relationship, engaged, married or a father hopefully you want to be in the situation you’re in.  There’s nothing worse then being in an uncomfortable situation.  Live, laugh, learn and get fucked up every once in awhile.  Take shots of Jameson and puke.  It’s humbling and keeps ‘ya young.

Single, married…I’ll still luv ‘ya because Scott Don’t care.

Thanksgiving

I’ll admit it. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  You wake up hungover from the night before, throw on the parade, and see Snoopy flying down 7^th Avenue.  What a mindblower!  How do they blow snoopy up?  Snoopy is big.  It gives me joy to see kids get excited when Snoopy comes flying by.  Honestly, I enjoy it.  It’s pretty cool.

Every year I go to aunt’s for Thanksgiving.  My aunt lives in Westchester which means every year my family makes the trek from Long Island.  Traffic!  Not to mention, my sister gets car sick and ends up puking in a plastic bag.  This isn’t exactly ideal when a huge turkey is waiting for you.

The same 3 families are at my aunt’s every year.  The same 3 families for 25 years.  So, the first thing I do is say hello and make myself a stiff drink.  Then I hit up the cheese plate, chips and mango salsa.  The mango salsa is where it’s at.  Then I sit down for about 15 minutes and talk to everyone.  I don’t want to be rude and run instantly downstairs to focus on football.  I can wait 15 minutes, but not a second longer.  Conversation goes well and I make myself another stiff drink.  Then I make another plate of cheese and mango salsa and head downstairs to watch the games.

Football on Thanksgiving is fabulous.  You stuff your face, you drink and root against the cowboys.  It’s pretty awesome.  My dad roots against the cowboys right along with me which is an annual bonding moment.

After the first football game is over, it’s time to eat.  And my aunt does it right.  Obviously turkey, cranberry sauce, her famous stuffing, some delicious spinach thing, and last but not least, the sweet potatoes.  I eat 3 plates of sweet potatoes.  Marshmallows on top.  It’s nothing short of epic and I look forward to it all year.  My mouth is watering as I write this with just the thought of those of sweet potatoes.  It’s an oral orgasm.

After dinner, I unbuckle my belt and try hard to deflate.  I pour myself another drink and try to drink my uncomfort away.  It never works.  I watch the second half of the second football game along with the rest of the males.  Instead of taking inventory of each others lives like we did earlier in the day, we now just talk football.  I’m sure Sanchez and Tebow will come up this year and I have a lot to say about it.  But I’ll save that for Thanksgiving.

Dessert!  Holy shit, what to eat first.  I just eat it all.  I try everything.  Apple pie. Chocolate cake.  Chocolate mousse.  Tiramisu.  I even stay healthy and try the fruit.  I make my choice on what to focus on.  It’s usually the chocolate mousse.  I don’t get the opportunity to have chocolate mousse regularly.  There’s nothing like good mousse.

After dessert, it’s time to go.  I say goodbye to everyone.  I thank my aunt for a great meal and get back in the car to sit in traffic and watch my sister puke.  It’s another year, another Thanksgiving in the books, and I look forward to doing it all again next year.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!