Ok, so I’m the last man standing. As of now I am the only single one left and I
feel great about it. I don’t mind being
single.
But, it kind of sucks that all my friends are either married,
engaged or in serious relationships.
Thank God for jdate and okcupid, otherwise I’d have nothing to do. If the right one comes along, great. If not, whatever. But this blog entry is not about me, it’s
about my friends. Things are
changing. My friends are changing. They’re thinking differently and thinking
long term. “What are we doing tonight”
has turned into “do you know how much diapers cost”. There really is nothing wrong with that. My friends are evolving, growing up and I’ll
always love them no matter what. But, it
almost feels like some of them have taken on a different identity or have
become their parents. What’s weird is
when we hang they’ll have moments of being who they once were. Rare glimpses into their former selves. This is neither a negative or a positive, it’s
just a fact. I love my friends for who
they are, who they were, I just can’t believe the changes. It happened so fast. There is an evolution. Your friends slowly turn into husbands and
fathers and it usually takes place over the course of 5 years. Below I will discuss the evolution of my
friends in 5 stages:
The 5 Stages of Evolution of My Friends
11)Single
22)
Serious Relationship
33)
Engagement
44)
Marriage
55)
Fatherhood
Single- Fuck, it was a good time when we
were all single. Sex, drugs and Rock N’
Roll (well, mostly hip hop). We were a
crew. We loved one another, looked out
for each other and lived for the weekend.
My friends were carefree, less stressed and seemed to laugh a lot
more. The biggest stress in their life
was their running back getting hurt on their fantasy football team. We were young and stupid but we were too naïve
to care. My friends chased girls, took
bong hits and tried to prevent responsibility at all costs. The most fun I’ve ever had was between the
ages of 23-27. Our first love was for
one another, everyone else took a backseat, even girls.
Serious Relationship- Here’s where things start to change. All of a sudden your friends are checking in
with someone. You constantly have
stories about their significant others and if their cell phone rings and you’re
in the middle of the conversation, the conversation is over. Then the drama ensues. The fighting, the jealousy. The breakup.
The makeup, and then it just seems to end. Your friend gets to the point where the game
of tug of war ends. It’s almost like
they throw in the towel and surrender.
You can’t beat the girl at “the game”.
Girls can live without sex, we can’t.
It’s unfair. Your friends settle
safely into their long term relationship and they seem to mellow out. They change and if they get engaged they’ll
never, ever be the same.
Engagement- Holy shit! It’s really happening. Only one thing matters at this point. Do you get along with your friends fiance’. If not, you will be seeing a lot less of your
friends. After your friend gets engaged,
it becomes harder to get your friend alone away from his fiance’. And when you do, it goes down! Your friend tries to make up for lost
time. He hits the bottle and the bong
hard. I call it the engagement conjugal
visit. They make love to the drugs and
alcohol they miss so much. And I make
love to the drugs and alcohol right along with ‘em. Well, at least the alcohol. I no longer do
drugs. If I did, I’d tell ‘ya.
Marriage- Whoa! It really happened. Weddings are great. Your friend gets married, you get real drunk
with all your friends, try to bang a bridesmaid and then don’t see your friend
for 3 months. Post marriage, your friend
goes into his marriage bunker. The shock
sets in and and he needs time to process these turn of events. Then, your friend emerges like a groundhog on
groundhog day. He comes out a changed
man. He looks relaxed, secure and
happy. 9 months later he looks confused
and befuddled. He realized that it all
really happened. If I ever get married I
think I’ll be more shocked that I actually walked down the aisle and took part
in the bullshit ceremony rather than being married. I’m pro marriage, just anti wedding ceremony.
At the current time all my married
friends seem happy and think they made the right choice. My dad always says that marriage starts when
you have kids. That seems to be the truth.
Fatherhood- Holy Mary Mother of God! My friends are fathers. 5 years ago they were vomiting in cabs, now
their kids are vomiting on them. I love
being Uncle Scotty and when I look at my friends kids it’s like looking in a
mirror. They are basically mini me’s of
my friends. My friends have officially
changed. They’re fathers. They are not first priority, their wives are
not first priority, their kids are. They
are essentially living their lives for someone else. I really respect that. I hope to be a father one day. It seems like a great time but I’m sure it’s
a lot of work. It’s become hard to see
my friends who have kids. Near
impossible to get them alone in a bar.
But that’s fine. It’s all worth
it. When I see their kids the evolution
of my friends makes sense. The prize
they get at the end of their journey is their kids. Hopefully they don’t suck.
We All change. We all
grow. Everyday were learning and
bettering ourselves. Except
yesterday. Yesterday I set my life back
a year. I’ll save that story for my next
blog entry. If you’re single, in a
serious relationship, engaged, married or a father hopefully you want to be in
the situation you’re in. There’s nothing
worse then being in an uncomfortable situation.
Live, laugh, learn and get fucked up every once in awhile. Take shots of Jameson and puke. It’s humbling and keeps ‘ya young.
Single, married…I’ll still luv ‘ya because Scott Don’t care.
